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Reality Check. Oy Vey.

Nobody likes feeling stuck.

In fact, that is the worst feeling in the world to me. I’ve always been someone who enjoys a chaotic life, constantly moving, always changing, really unpredictable. For the past few years, my life has taken a sudden HALT and let me just say, I’m completely over this time out.

I feel surrounded by four immovable walls that will not let me progress. And while I’m sitting on the sidelines, I sadly get to watch all my friends around me proceed with their lives. Whether it be graduating from college, starting their careers, getting engaged or married, living their dreams, or just simply living life to it’s fullest, it’s definitely the opposite of what I’m doing.

I’m drowning in debt, trying to find a decent job, sadly single, have a kid, and living with my parents. Yay. Worst part? I’m almost 25 years old, and I feel like I’m doing absolutely nothing.

If this is life, that’s really unfortunate. I definitely imagined by now, I’d be a college graduate, in my career, and if by chance I had children, I would be married with my family.

How did I end up with such a crappy set of cards? I really need an upgrade.

Life and Death

Today, I was notified of a new life and a life ended. My friend had a baby boy today. He’s healthy, head full of hair, and does not even know how much love he has been brought into.

I also was given news of a friend so close to family she practically was family passing from cancer.

While I was not at either of these events, my heart was so confused. This happens everyday around the world. Babies are born every day, multiple times throughout the day. And people are dying everyday, also multiple times throughout the day. But how often do we recognize both phases of life in the same day?

How could I be so happy for a new birthday, but so sad at the end of a great life at the same time? Life and death are inevitable. But the emotions they cause just add to my already cluttered heart.

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